Tuesday, August 23, 2016

WHEN THE "LIGHT" GOES OUT, IT'S ALL THE SAME.

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The Maya is always testing.The environment was a little difficult. A lot of stimulus coming from the entertainment. A violin player at a birthday party at the nursing home. Love songs. With the sweet melancholy sound of the violin reaching crescendo pitches that make your hair stand on end. The residents so needy of human loving exchanges, eyes sad and vacant. Very intense. I am sitting with my father at a table watching the entertainment and chanting japa softly, my only protection. Hare Krishna... softly.
The head nurse is a big bodied black woman who keeps things running at fever pitch. I look at her and she seems like a mother hen. I like her and appreciate her dedication which goes way beyond the job description.
I helped her by writing at her request to the supervisors on higher levels about something that needed improving. They weren't listening to her but when they got my letter they started to fix things. She was very appreciative.
The people that work there are not standoffish or formal in anyway. They are very direct and hands on, after all they are changing disposable underwear and giving everyone showers. How formal and standoffish can you be in a situation like that?
The nurse came into the room. She must be over six feet tall and very round and curvy everywhere. They don't wear uniforms, just their favorite street clothes. She saw me and immediately came over to sit on the arm of my chair and hug me keeping me in an embrace for quite some time. It was a very sensual embrace. I have to be honest it was a lot for me. It didn't feel like just a friendly embrace it felt like a lot more.
Now how to deal with this? Hours later I am still buzzing.
I am glad this happened. I may think I am so advanced and Krishna conscious and all that, but put me in a situation where my senses are agitated....How did I do? I got thrown off my meditation. I'm still chanting japa but it is just a sound I am making. My senses have overpowered me. Desire for material sense gratification has presented herself once again. The witch called Maya. This is really want you want, material sense gratification, not Krishna consciousness.
Now with the benefit of time passing and distance from the situation, the violin player and the love songs are gone, the senses are calming down and I can look at the situation. Krishna consciousness means I am only interested in Krishna consciousness. So even if there is some disturbance from the body, mind or senses, or others it will have no effect. That's how strong Krishna consciousness has to become. If I am only interested in developing a relationship with Krishna a "disturbance" will have no effect. No more than a mosquito.
This is the Krishna consciousness I want. I will never give up trying for it. Practicing until I am there. Until nothing can distract me from Krishna consciousness. Not hell, high water, nor death.
I'm getting better at it. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

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