I am sure It is a natural part of the progression of life from childhood, to youth, to old age (which I am entering) and death that as old age is approaching I am feeling so much pleasure in being able to think about the Lord more than actually "doing things" for the Lord. I was very active in my youth. My childhood was in ignorance but I was always hankering for something I didn't know what... but always hankering... what is it that is missing? Something very essential to my happiness and the happiness of everyone is missing... what is it that is missing?
Srila Prabhupada supplied the answer. Krishna consciousness. So childhood was in ignorance and much suffering. But youth provided an opportunity to use my health and physical energy to "do things" for Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. Looking back I am sure it was Lord Nityananda's mercy that saturated everyone in the early days. Lord Nityananda is wild sometimes. He is funny and even does things that are dangerous. He is wild and it is safe to say those early days were very wild. I am sure Lord Nityananda has not left the movement. He is still guiding and there is still wildness. Let us pray He never leaves us. Without Lord Nityananda there is no Hare Krishna movement.
But now physically I am slow. My eyesight is not good, my teeth are falling out, my back is weak, and there is a mysterious condition that comes and goes that simply knocks me out with a general feeling of "sickness and fatigue." I don't drive. I avoid driving like the plague now although I have driven what must be millions of miles in the past. But now my reflexes are slowing and everyone else is in a hurry. I use a three-wheel bicycle mostly. The sidewalks are very wide and no one walks on them. I have my own private expressways.
In this condition approaching old age my great, great pleasure is to be able to think about Krishna. Read about him from the realized souls. Taking shelter of my gurudeva in this way. To simply hear from Him, hear from Him, hear from. And then try to share what I've heard whenever possible.
This morning I was chanting japa under the large black olive tree (no olives, unfortunately, that is just the name) and a large green lizard was rummaging around under a plumbago ...lovely little bush with gorgeous clusters of heavenly blue flowers. The green lizards are supposed to be carnivores from what I have read, but this one was munching on the plumbago. Maybe he wanted some salad. It seems when I am sitting peacefully chanting japa different creatures come close. They are not afraid. So he was right there. I could put my hand out and touch him.
Reading in Krishna Book 2.32 that everyone has intelligence. It is by misuse of this intelligence the living entity finds themselves struggling to enjoy sense gratification in the material world. I thought, the animals have intelligence? What choice do they have? How do they progress up through samsara? Certainly they don't have the ability to make a conscious choice. Even most human beings do not know they even have the ability to make choice, Maya or Krishna. It is only when a conditioned human being comes into contact with a devotee of the Lord that they can understand they have a choice. So the animals?
My thoughts went to how everyone is food for someone else. Everyone except the plants. They do not eat anyone else but they are eaten by everyone else. Then I thought, That seems cruel," but then I could see, "No. It's not cruel. It is part of the way the living entities advance up through the species. The weak are food for the strong. Those with no legs are food for those with legs. This is described in the Bhagavatam.
"Those who are devoid of hands are prey for those who have hands; those devoid of legs are prey for the four-legged. The weak are the subsistence of the strong, and the general rule holds that one living being is food for another." SB 1.13.47
Then it hit me. Krishna explains:
"Whatever state of being one remembers when he quits his body, that state he will attain without fail." BG 8.6
What seems to be cruel, a weaker living entity being killed and eaten by a stronger one... stronger would include more intelligent.... is actually how the weaker living entity transmigrates up through the species. If the mouse is shivering in fright at the sight and presence of the cat, that is what he is thinking at the time of death. Cat, cat, cat... He becomes a cat. At least this is part of the process. The materialist sees this as survival of the fittest. But really it is a principle of transmigration.
This gives a whole new dimension to the famous, punar musiko bhava story which Vaishnavas love to tell. In the story a mouse comes to a guru to ask to become a cat because he lives in fear of the cat. He becomes a cat but then comes again to the guru, this time to become a dog because as a cat he now lives in fear of the dog. He becomes a dog, but then again he comes to the guru. This time thinking he has found the ultimate solution to the problem of fear. He asks to become a tiger because the tiger is not afraid of anyone and everyone is afraid of the tiger. But once he becomes a tiger, he turns on his guru and is ready to attack him and eat him. The guru again reverts him back to a mouse.
Once a living being reaches the human form of life he is like that tiger. If in his foolishness he is simply thinking, "I am now the most powerful, there is no one more powerful than me" he loses his chance for going back home back to godhead and is sent back down to the lower species.
"The demoniac person thinks: "So much wealth do I have today, and I will gain more according to my schemes. So much is mine now, and it will increase in the future, more and more. He is my enemy, and I have killed him; and my other enemy will also be killed. I am the lord of everything, I am the enjoyer, I am perfect, powerful and happy. I am the richest man, surrounded by aristocratic relatives. There is none so powerful and happy as I am. I shall perform sacrifices, I shall give some charity, and thus I shall rejoice." In this way, such persons are deluded by ignorance." BG 16.13-15
and again:
"Bewildered by false ego, strength, pride, lust and anger, the demon becomes envious of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, who is situated in his own body and in the bodies of others, and blasphemes against the real religion." BG 16.18
"Those who are envious and mischievous, who are the lowest among men, are cast by Me into the ocean of material existence, into various demoniac species of life." BG 16.19
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