ROOTING OUT FAULT FINDING

Whenever my intelligence falls asleep
and I fall into this bad habit of "fault finding"
it seems really enlivening at first.
"Yes, I'm really getting energy from this. Energized."

But then after a little while I start to feel really badly.
There is no joy. There is no wonder and amazement at Krishna consciousness. Only a kind of sour dissatisfaction with myself,
and every one and everything.

So I am starting to recognize this pattern.
From other experiences in the past of rooting out unwanted things,
I see that it is a gradual process. First learning to recognize what it is
and then learning to stop it sooner. Cutting it back. cutting it back
finally locating the source of it. The root.

And then there is no need to go there.
Been there done that. I know where it starts
and also I know where it goes.
"No thank you. Hare Krishna." Then it is gone.

It is not first class intelligence.
It's more like 3rd class bordering on 4th class,
but I have to work with what I have.