NOTHING IS MINE

  Ihave to keep learning the same lessons over and over and over again. Nothing belongs to me. I have been living at my father's house managing his care while he is institutionalized with dementia.
Now the expenses and bills are adding up fast. His craziness is causing all sorts of medical emergencies. Falling down four times in the last three weeks each with an ambulance, 911, the emergency room and a few nights in the hospital.

Now he is in rehab and they are having a difficult time controlling his behavior. He keeps going out the emergency exits setting off the alarms. There is no question of explaining anything to him. He has lost all ability to reason. 

Whatever he has saved up is draining away fast. I am living in his house for five years now and I see I have become attached thinking it is mine. It is not my house. The money I am managing is not my money...what is left of it...and I am not only stressed out dealing with a mad man but feeling the anxiety of seeing everything being taken away.

But it is a great relief also. Finally I can understand "Nothing is mine."
I can say thank you for being allowed to live so comfortably for these last few years allowing me to read and record Vaishnava teachings. To constantly hear and remember. So as everything is being taken away I am feeling some relief.