If I post some of my personal struggles, some will not understand any of it, some will find it amusing, some will find it pathetic, someone else will find it humorous, and someone will pass judgement and condemn me (simply for posting this.) Others will not believe it, "Oh, she's exaggerating.. making things up."
Oh well. Here it is anyway...
Hari bol.
Jaya Srila Prabhupada.
Oh well. Here it is anyway...
Hari bol.
Jaya Srila Prabhupada.
Book distribution was disappearing around early 80's. It was getting more and more difficult to find a temple that actually gave support for devotees to perform the service. Selling things and Hindu contributions were beginning to take over and distributing books was no longer the main source of funding. (Harinam was also disappearing.)
So the leaders lost interest in book distribution. Evidently they only saw it as a source of funding. I didn't see it that way at all. I loved the service. Even if someone said "no," I saw it that at least they said "something" to Krishna.
But I hankered to increase the service and so I approached the president nicely, not demanding anything, simply desiring to discuss a possibility. And got slammed for daring to even think in this way. "I'm the temple president. I say how things are done. Not you!!!"
I just refused to stay in that kind of oppressive situation. I relocated to another temple where there was still a chance to distribute. But that situation also morphed after a little while into simply selling things. Finally I found a situation in Atlanta where the temple president made provision for book distribution. But then that too after a few years disappeared pretty much and the emphasis was on getting donations from the Hindu community.
Then I simply traveled alone in a van and distributed books for years.. Sometimes I had traveling companions. But mostly alone. I couldn't find a temple to work with for performing this service and Harinam. The movement as a whole had morphed. Approaching people in the street was frowned upon. One wealthy devotee offered to supply as many books as I needed if I came up with a more "respectable" way to distribute them....More respectable than Harinam and approaching people?....
Then I just drifted away altogether from the movement and tried to develop some home programs. Prasadam distribution programs. Programs at the Hindu temples. Then I just said the hell with it. Let me just prepare for old age which is just around the corner and I have nothing at.
So I had my own business for a little while and then worked in Indian motels for a while. Reading and chanting. And wondering what went wrong. Why was I out here and how come I had so little spiritual strength so that when temptations would come I would still become bewildered?
Being an unmarried woman with the desire for book distribution and harinam presents its own set of difficulties within ISKCON, especially in 80's. Oh and being a Prabhupada disciple I found myself "the enemy." Not even to mention my own personal struggles with mind and sense control.
Whoopee... Hare Krishna...
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