In the 80's I had a small incense business. I would buy top quality incense from different sources and then design a package with the particular store logo on it. The shop owners liked that. Their own brand.
There was a large co-op that became a good customer. The purchaser for the co-op for the incense department, her name was Venus, was very favorable to Krishna consciousness. I would bring prasadam from the temple Deity and always dress in sari with tilak etc.
There was something strange though. It was eerily creepy. Another woman
who also worked there, a very tall woman, would rivet her eyes on me
from over the counter tops. She was that tall. I thought perhaps it was
my outfit. Maybe she had some spiritual "bones to pick" with Lord
Krishna. It was unmistakable though. The intense negative energy
directed towards me.
One day when I was making my rounds of stores and entered the co-op the whole atmosphere in the store was very dark. I could feel it the minute I walked in. I asked one of the workers to meet with my Venus and they put their eyes down and shook their head.
"I have some bad news. There has been a tragedy." I braced myself. Car accident? Overdose of something or other?
"There has been a murder and suicide." One of the workers here has shot and killed Venus and then shot and killed herself. Immediately I could understand. The other woman, the one who riveted her stares at me whenever I had to meet with Venus, was attached as a lover. The angry energy was fear and envy. "She left a note. If I can't have you. No one can."
I was thinking about this.. this morning. That was a long time ago. Almost 35 years ago. Why think about it this morning? I have been researching intimacy and autonomy.
Swedenborg has some interesting things to say about it. It can be seen as another way to look at union and separation. Both the desires are there in the soul. Union and individuality. How do they reconcile? Not losing individuality and yet being part of something. Simultaneous one and different. We have that in Krishna consciousness. Devotional service.
The impersonalist position is like the murder/suicide. The desire for intimacy is there but it takes the form of merging. I deny God is an individual (kill God) and then I deny that I am a individual (I kill myself) Now we will be together eternally. Never separated. We have become one. Lord Krishna accepts this and there is provision for someone with this desire. The brahmajyoti.
But the devotee of the Lord never accepts this. For the devotee there will always be individuals and there will always be intimacy. A spiritual dynamic that brings waves of ecstasy in the ocean of love of God for both the Lord and for the devotee.
One day when I was making my rounds of stores and entered the co-op the whole atmosphere in the store was very dark. I could feel it the minute I walked in. I asked one of the workers to meet with my Venus and they put their eyes down and shook their head.
"I have some bad news. There has been a tragedy." I braced myself. Car accident? Overdose of something or other?
"There has been a murder and suicide." One of the workers here has shot and killed Venus and then shot and killed herself. Immediately I could understand. The other woman, the one who riveted her stares at me whenever I had to meet with Venus, was attached as a lover. The angry energy was fear and envy. "She left a note. If I can't have you. No one can."
I was thinking about this.. this morning. That was a long time ago. Almost 35 years ago. Why think about it this morning? I have been researching intimacy and autonomy.
Swedenborg has some interesting things to say about it. It can be seen as another way to look at union and separation. Both the desires are there in the soul. Union and individuality. How do they reconcile? Not losing individuality and yet being part of something. Simultaneous one and different. We have that in Krishna consciousness. Devotional service.
The impersonalist position is like the murder/suicide. The desire for intimacy is there but it takes the form of merging. I deny God is an individual (kill God) and then I deny that I am a individual (I kill myself) Now we will be together eternally. Never separated. We have become one. Lord Krishna accepts this and there is provision for someone with this desire. The brahmajyoti.
But the devotee of the Lord never accepts this. For the devotee there will always be individuals and there will always be intimacy. A spiritual dynamic that brings waves of ecstasy in the ocean of love of God for both the Lord and for the devotee.
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