LUST OR NOTHING AT ALL

JAPA

     Please help me, Krishna. I know You are in my heart as Supersoul. You see my predicament. I know You want to help me. Why do I only see two choices…lust or nothingness?

     I am chanting Your Holy Name, offering puja, reading the books left by Your great devotees. What am I doing wrong or what is it I am not doing that I should be doing? Why is there only darkness on one side and the fire of lust on the other? Where are You?

      Why is there only a distant and faint recording playing in the back of my mind somewhere of Your pastimes, Form, Incarnations and great devotees? Why are they somehow 2-dimensional and lifeless? Like old black and white photos. While I am staring into nothingness and pursued by the fire of lust?

     Please help me. How do I cross over? To simply renounce everything puts me into the void…nothingness.

     To become active simply awakens my lust to enjoy everyone and everything for my sense gratification.

     If I get rid of all my possessions and live in a bare, empty space then the lust is minimized. I can be a little peaceful simply because there isn't anything for my senses to focus on. Because there is nothing there? 

     Where are You? I have heard about You and how wonderful you are. Are you somehow in a room that is empty?

     If I become active doing “this and that,” my senses become absorbed in “this and that” and fire of lust is kindled. They want more and more “this and that” and are never satisfied until I am completely exhausted and still am not satisfied.

     Where are You?

     I have heard You are everywhere. But I don’t see You anywhere.

     Then a voice... very clear and very near…yukta vairagya,

     “Actual renunciation means to use everything in devotional service. Engage all material things in relation with the loving service of the Lord, and be situated in yukta-vairāgya, proper renunciation. In this material world, nothing should be accepted for one’s sense gratification: everything should be accepted for the service of the Lord. This is the mentality of the spiritual world.” SB 9.9.47

     There it is. The key that unlocks the door. Use everything for Krishna consciousness. Engage everything and everyone in Krishna consciousness. Everything and everyone in the material world is acting as if  disconnected from their source…as if there were no source. By engaging everyone and everything in service to Krishna...the source... the spiritual nature is revived. The disconnected become connected. That is the magic...the missing link…the miracle of devotional service…the internal energy of the Lord...the ocean of bliss beyond the fire of lust and the abyss of  nothingness.