BLINDED BY THE GLARE

       

     Lately I have not been able to sleep more than a few hours. At first this was disturbing, since I was thinking it is unhealthy and I would be tired during the day, etc..

     Waking at 1:00 am with no chance of returning to sleep. All quiet everywhere. Dark.

     What to do? Chant japa.

     It is perfect for chanting japa. Practically no distractions for the senses. One dim night light.

     Remembering Krishna trickling in. Mahavishnu…Prahlada marahaja...The three worlds and Yamaraja... The Three modes of material nature... Krishna in Vrndavana…Remembering what I have heard from the great realized souls.

      "Please help me, Oh Lord, I am suffering so much in this material world. I don’t like it here. I am so helpless. So easily distracted. You are the Supersoul in my own heart, please help me. Please let me be conscious of You. Please bring me to the point of loving You."

     After a few hours, taking rest again for a few more hours.

     Now after the sun is up... chanting japa. So many distractions. The world is active in the modes of nature. It is my eyes that are the worst distractors. If they are open then they are looking at the objects around me and finding "things to do later." If they are closed I fall asleep. Every object in the room has a kind of magnetism drawing my attention to it. Every object has a story or a history behind it. My eyes are captured by this, blinded by a kind of glare and my poor mind scrambles to accommodate.

     The Lord has made Himself available in His Deity forms. Still my eyes want to keep everything as if it were a material form. What to do?

     Nighttime was very good for hearing and chanting. My eyes were open...so no sleep...but it was dark so no distractions. As an experiment, I put some blindfold on so that I could keep my eyes open and yet not be distracted. Voila.. Like magic. It is the eyes. They are very lusty for material forms. They are easily illusioned. 

     This world is a dark place. Without the sun and moon there is no light at all. 

     There is the saying: Seeing is believing. Believing what? Believing that what I am seeing is true. But it is not... if I am not seeing Krishna.