I FORGET

So blissful. Chanting Hare Krishna…walking in the little Tulsi garden. She is growing so nicely. ..so big and full. I have never seen Tulsi so magnificent. I pray… "I only want to be with You, Tulsi Maharani, forever."

But then I am afraid. The last time I prayed like that was several years ago when I was walking in a parking lot in 100 degree heat carrying a bag full of Bhagavad gitas my shoulders aching from the weight and approaching people as they came out of the supermarket to take this book and read it. I prayed then, “I only want to do this forever here on this planet or any planet.” It was so hot and I thought I might die from the heat. The ecstasy of serving the Lord was there.

Force of circumstances and that service was not available to me after some time. I tried to hold onto it, by any means. But it was gone. Not available to me. Like the sun in the sky passing the zenith and then disappearing on the horizon. Truly like that. Darkness set in. Srila Prabhupada had left the planet. I feel my throat choking and tears welling in my eyes just recalling.

Now I have prayed, “Oh Tulsi, I just want to serve You like this forever.” Immediately I am fearful. Force of circumstances will come again.

I see that there is ecstasy in serving the Lord and His Pure Devotee…so much so that I forget where I am. I think I am in the spiritual world. And then there is some reminder, “No. You are not completely in the spiritual world. You are preparing for returning there but you are still in the material energy, the illusory energy. You are practicing and preparing.” 

The ecstasy is so real I forget the material world. But then I am reminded. The neighbors remind me. They are materially conditioned souls. Next door turns his television on too loud. The sound of the chatter and noise it makes wafts over to the Tulsi garden. Another neighbor is cooking meat and the smell hangs in the air. Someone else has a yard full of small dogs that bark at me as I try to chant.

No I am not in the spiritual world yet. I must learn to welcome these reminders…for that is all they are: reminders to increase my desire. If everything was perfect and there were no disturbances like when the mode of goodness is prominent then I might become complacent and think I was already back home, Back to Godhead.

This is the danger of elevation to heavenly planets. The heavenly planets are so delightful. Life there is free from aggravations. Gardens, entertainment, music, art, drama and sense pleasures beyond what I can even conceive are the norm. So it is dangerous for a devotee.

Enjoying or suffering is all the same in the material world, the world of Krishna's illusory energy, the world of repeated birth and death.