I WANT TO GO HOME

How many lifetimes have I tried to make my home here? How many lifetimes have my efforts been useless, ending in death?

Why am I homeless? If I have a home why do I try to make one? Why don't I just go to my real home?
Why do I try to find happiness and love in a place where no one is truly happy and no one truly loves?
Why do I think that if just do this or that, or make this adjustment or that adjustment I will be successful when no one I see is successful in that way?
What is my stubbornness and foolishness?
What is this defiance?
It is me wanting to assert myself as independent and powerful and so I have absorbed myself in everything not-Krishna. But this is impossible. Knowing my defiant mood the Lord has allowed me to become illusioned into thinking that there is something other than Himself. He must have provided this illusory realm. I must have become angry with the Lord and wanted to show Him I didn't need Him. I must have wanted to see if He really cared about me. If He really did love me He would not let me go. 
Oh my Lord, to not be with You is more than I can bare. 
No more do I desire the illusion that You do not exist. I am done with this angry defiant mood, I only want to go home. 
There is no life without You. 
Crying I fall at Your Feet. 

Lessons from the followers of Jesus:

God WILL put more on you than you can bare!

You may think this isn't true. But it is, God will put more on you than you can handle. Why? Because He doesn't want you to rely on your own strength, your own works, your own mettle to live the Christian life. He wants to do it for you, He wants to be your strength, your source of life, so sometimes He (lovingly) has to allow you to be broken by your circumstances.
Read this passage from 2 Corinthians 1: 8-11

8-11: ⁸We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our^[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Paul said "He didn't think he was going to make it"... other translations say "we despaired even of life" (NASB)... "we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life [itself]." (Amplified Bible)... any way you look at it, they were under more pressure than they could humanly take.
And what was the purpose of this? Why did God ALLOW them to be crushed?
So they would turn to God and trust in Him as their strength... and KNOW that He is the only one who can successfully live the "Christian Life".

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE REALLY SAY (LINK)
GAURAHARIDAS AVADHUTA (YOUTUBE LINK)