Saturday, March 29, 2014

OH, HOW I DREAD SATURDAY!!


Oh, How I dread Saturday!!
Like being thrown to the lions.

All week I am peacefully hearing and chanting
Hare Krishna, reading Bhagavatam
taken as the order of gurudeva.
But Saturday, my father, 95.
Big, big meat eater… Hates anything Krishna.
And I must visit with him for several hours.
Oh Krishna, please help me.

It takes me hours and hours and hours
to recuperate from being tortured by him.
It is so painful to be with someone
who insists the body is all there is.
And he is my superior, my father.

Oh god, it’s like descending into hell,
driving to the old age home to visit him.
How can I remember you, oh Lord?
Okay. I can pray to remember how everyone is a servant.
Some are covered by material illusion.
But we are all part of You
All Your servants, nonetheless.
Everyone serves You. Knowingly or unknowingly.

Okay. I will have to start with that
and see if I can stay with that.
In the elevator an attendant wheels a very old woman
with her hair almost all fallen out,
"How are you, today?"
I say, "Good. As long as I can remember we are all servants."
And point to heaven. They smile and nod agreement.
Yes, all these old people, 
some a hundred years old or more are servants too,
although they are being served now hand and foot.
They are old servants getting ready
for their next serving engagement
in their next body.

There is Dad. As usual watching TV. 
A horror movie at 10 am.
He thinks someone is coming to meet with him 
about a Christmas planning event. 
But it is March.
He thinks his father came for a visit. 
His father died 30 years.

What do I do?
I must somehow or other stay engaged in Krishna consciousness.
I cannot let him drag me to hell with him just because he is my father.
Krishna, please help me.
The answer is devotional service.
But, I can’t talk with him about Krishna.
He hates anything Hare Krishna.
I can’t even chant softly with him there,
he doesn't like it and stops me.
Krishna, what to do?

I am responsible to see to his care
and manage his affairs.
I can’t just leave there is no one else to do it.
Devotional service is the answer to all problems.
But how to engage him?

He won’t eat prasadam.  
He has to have meat at every meal
and for snacks in between.
But wait, I have a package of Tulsi leaves
that I need to take to the post office
to be mailed to devotees in Ohio for their Gaura Nitai Deities.
Immediately I see the mercy!!!
The incredible mercy of devotional service.
Yes, he would like to go for a ride to the post office.

The ride to the post office,
The package of Tulsi leaves,
We are being engaged in service.
He is riding with me to mail the Tulsi leaves.
I can feel the mercy of the Lord and His Pure Devotee.

Riding in the car he sees a restaurant
that has a sign, “chicken special.”
He starts to talk about eating chicken
and killing chickens..
He’s 95. He can start to talk about anything
real or imaginary.
He doesn't care if anyone is listening or not.
He just talks, and now it is about killing and eating chickens.
If I chant Hare Krishna he will stop me.
But Krishna has hundreds and millions of names.
I can sing. I start to sing:

yaśomatī-nandana, braja-baro-nāgara,
gokula-rañjana kāna
gopī-parāṇa-dhana, madana-manohara,
kāliya-damana-vidhāna*

He stops talking about killing and eating chickens.
He smiles and nods …"Same to you,” he says.
I keep singing softly and sweetly.
It’s like snake charming.
The demon is gone.

We are serving Krishna's pure devotee together.
He doesn't know what’s in the box but it doesn't matter...
Tulsi leaves are in the box.
Whether he knows it or not...devotional service.
I am so grateful to be able to see
the super excellent mercy
of devotional service today!!!

I will have to eat lunch with him.
He will eat a small pan pizza loaded with meat.
He will buy a small pan pizza for me, all vegetables.
I only eat it because I see
It’s a way for him to serve a devotee.
Not much of a devotee, trying to be a devotee.
I accept the lunch so he can be engaged in service.

I do not like to eat this thing.
It is actually difficult for me to eat it.
Most people think this thing is good and like it.
I don’t like the taste.. greasy, oily, heavy,
I eat mostly fruit and raw foods.
So this is an austerity to eat this greasy thing.
But what else can I do with him?

For a Saturday it wasn't too bad, today.
At least I could think of devotional service.

*translation: 1) Lord Krsna is the beloved son of mother Yasoda; the transcendental lover in the land of Vraja; the delight of Gokula; Kana [a nickname of Krsna]; the wealth of the lives of the gopis. He steals the mind of even Cupid and punishes the Kaliya serpent.



Wednesday, March 19, 2014

LESSONS FROM THE PAPAYA WORM



Their mother, the giant fruit fly that looks like a wasp, pushes her eggs into the newly forming fruit.
Her eggs hatch and feed on the papaya seeds and fruit.
When the papaya is ripe they eat their way out of the fruit.
There is nothing left of the fruit since they poison it as they feed.

I didn't know.

I planted sixteen papaya trees going against the neighborhood association code but managed to be able to keep them even against the violation.
That was big hurdle but it was crossed.

Oh, to have the fruit.
I dreamed of having more fruit than I needed.
Giving some away and selling the rest.
I would be so successful and have the sweet fruits and money too.
Every day I would check on them two or three times a day.
Chanting Hare Krishna to them,
fencing them when they were small from the peacocks who like to eat their leaves,
Removing the giant green caterpillars who can devour a whole plant in a matter of hours.
Making sure the professional gardeners for the community didn't run them over with lawnmowers
or get too close with the weeds eaters and damage their trunks.
It had been too hot and the female plants refused to produce blossoms.
Only male blossoms for 6 months.
But finally the cooler weather came and with it the formation of the fruits.
The long awaited time. Oh the papayas.

But what is this?
The fruits are turning yellow prematurely.
And some are falling off the tree.
The blossom end is soft and mushy.
Pinch it open and there they are.
The fruit worms.
No this can’t be!
Oh, but it is.

I was so happy thinking of the papayas growing so nicely
anticipating the sweet fruits.
But no. It will not be.
There is no way to control for the fruit worms.
Other than putting a bag over each fruit just as it begins to form.
These papaya trees are 12 and 15 feet high.
It is too labor intensive for me.

What is Krishna telling me?
I don’t want to look at the lessons, but I must.
There are so many lessons here.
The tears have come.

Lesson 1. I knew that my meditation was not pure in the very beginning. When I was calculating how to get so many fruits, more than I needed and sell some. I knew this was not helping me in the direction of pure devotional service. But the trees were growing and the obstacles were being overcome. I was infected with material desires just like the papayas were infected with worms. The worms make the fruit unofferable to Krishna. So the fruit of my endeavor is also unofferable for pure devotional service being infected with material desires. 

This is where the tears come. The realization of my fallen state. How I am infected. This is where the prayers come to please remove these infections.

Lesson 2. How I am disappointed at not being able to taste the nice fruits. How Krishna is disappointed at not being able to accept me. There is sand in the sweet rice. There are worms in the papaya fruits and there are contaminations of material desire in me. I am disappointed but Krishna is also disappointed. He wants to enjoy the fruits.

This is where the tears come. This is where the prayers come to please remove these contaminations so that Krishna can enjoy.

Lesson 3. The papaya trees' struggles. The trees have worked so hard to produce some fruit but all their efforts are now useless. The trees are useless except as food for worms and insects. Their fruit is spoiled. The worms feed on its seeds, so the seeds will not be able to sprout. Maybe a few will survive the infestation.
So what do I do? I think to cut the trees down. Perhaps to plant figs or pomegranate. The papaya trees are so sad. They beg, "Please don’t cut us down. We tried so hard. It is not our fault. It is our karma. Please let us live. Chant to us. Help us. We want more than anything to offer fruit to Krishna."

This is where the tears come. This is my prayer too. “Please don’t cut me off. I am working so hard to reach you. I want more than anything to be offerable.”

Lesson 4. The trees have produced fruits. But they are useless. Like me. I have taken birth in a family. I am the fruit of that family tree. But I am useless. I am infected with material desires. The family tree has endeavored so much through the generations but the final fruit, me, is infected.

This is where the tears come. If I can become free from infection than the entire family tree will have served its purpose. They will not have struggled in vain. All the ancestors wherever they are will benefit.

Lesson 5. "We hear that Sukadeva Goswami has his name Suka.. because, like a parrot who tastes a mango and makes it sweeter by pecking at it with his beak, Sukadeva relishes the Bhagavatam and makes it sweeter by then speaking the message of Bhagavatam

But I am more like the papaya worm. I am attracted to the sweet message and seek to relish the Bhagavatam but I may spoil the message. What can I do? I cannot stop trying to taste the sweet message of love of Godhead, the ripened fruit of Vedas, the Srimad Bhagavatam.


This is where the tears come. I am a lowly worm. This is where the prayers come. Please make me like the parrot, Sukadeva. 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

A WELL-CALCULATED RISK

   
     I watched the lizard for a while. It was a well-calculated risk he took to get to the bells. The peacocks were roaming around (they like to eat lizards and snakes) and the tree is leafless now (more or less deciduous). So he would slide around and hide on the other side of the trunk and slowly make his way up the tree with no camouflage and he is very, very bright lime green. Finally he made it to the bells and jumped onto the chimes, bells ringing all over the place. It was very amusing to watch. I placed the bells there so the wind could ring them for Tulsi. So he rang Tulsi devi's bells. I don't know if he liked the bells or he thought it was something to eat because it has some bright beads for decorations that look like maybe they are berries. He spent so much time and energy due to his curiosity. He could have used the time to actually find something to eat. But I am fasting too. Sri Krishna Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's Appearance Day. Ki Jaya.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

THE INITIATION OF MEENA SEVA


Dear mind I now accept you as my disciple. You are my servant so I want to give you a name. Not just call you "mind." You can be known by many names, but I especially want to address you as "Meena seva" since the name given to me by my spiritual master is Meena devi dasi and Meena seva is an appellate, a command and is your very nature.

So now it is official. You are a recognized disciple and I am your teacher. We shall have a great celebration. Chanting Hare Krishna, dancing and feasting. It is customary that the newly initiated disciple gather daskhin (an offering for their teacher). You don’t know what to offer? During the course of the day there will be opportunity to find something special to offer to me. Perhaps some hidden treasure in a Bhagavatam verse or an opening in a conversation that reveals some gems.

I have been accepting your service for a very long time. You have been doing very well. But by this initiation it will give you the strength to reject some bad association you have been allured to from time to time. It will help you to remain fixed and not be tempted to meander as you have been accustomed to for many lifetimes. So it is now official. You are a recognized disciple.

I have another disciple "intelligence" who has been serving very nicely also and is in line for initiation too. Now the two of you working together will be a great boon for our mission of going back home back to Godhead. I am holding the two of you personally responsible for our mission. The senses are depending on you. Please know I love you both. You are part of me. We are eternally together. Now we are on the path back home back to Godhead. We are so very, very fortunate.

Now that you have a name, Meena seva, I want to see you. I am hearing you but I want to see you. What is your form? I see your form is much like the form I see in the mirror only your form is a subtle form. And I also see that you can take any form according to my desire. It is not that you are formless, although you can do that too if I desire. So for now this subtle form is much like my gross form.

I asked you to serve me by remembering Krishna. It was easy for you. First you showed me Mahavishnu lying in the causal ocean, then the planetary systems on the stem of the lotus emanating from His naval and then Lord Brahma sitting on top of the lotus. It was wonderful. Thank you. 

But then I asked you to take me to Krishna in Vrnadavan. You balked. You became embarrassed and couldn't do it. That's alright. There is more to do to prepare for that. 

We will work together more closely now....

HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE
HARE RAMA HARE RAMA RAMA RAMA HARE HARE

Monday, March 3, 2014

LETTER TO THE MIND

Dear Mind,

Please know that I love you. Don't be afraid. You are eternally part of me. Going back to Godhead does not mean you will be left behind. We go together.

I see that when you feel neglected or that I don’t love, you do something naughty. But please be reassured I love you. You are my very valuable servant. You have so many good qualities. Fast. Scrutinizing. Clever. Creative. Efficient. Eager. Always serving. Oh Mind. I am so glad we can have these talks.

I have ignored you for so long. Taken you for granted. Chastised you unnecessarily. Blamed you when you were simply doing the best you knew how. Please forgive me for my ignorance. 

Now I have found that you are my very best friend. I am so excited. To have realized a friend like you. It is like finding a great hidden treasure.

And I see that you only want to please me. So if I make it clear to you what will actually please me you are more than happy to comply. What a relationship!

Our talk this morning was great. We are spirit. We have been engaging in activities on the temporary gross material plane for a long, long time. But now we have the opportunity to engage on the spiritual plane. I saw your big fear. Your big doubt. This is ecstatic that we could look at these things together.

Your doubt was that there wouldn’t be anything for you to do on the spiritual plane. How would you serve? At least on the material platform you can tell the senses what to do for material gratification, safety and comfort. But what would you do on the spiritual platform? This was your big doubt. That somehow spiritual meant nothingness. Impersonal calamity. And that I would go there and leave you behind, you would cease to exist. Oh, dear mind. I can never leave you. You are part of me. I cannot go to Krishna without you. We will go to Krishna together.

Intelligence will be with us and the senses too. We are all together. It is simply that our activities will not be on the material plane. No birth, death, old age and disease. But we will see, hear, touch, smell, taste, feel, think and act. We will love and laugh and cry and run and dance with Krishna.

I am so happy to sit down with you today and discuss these things. You are such a good friend. I love you.

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare